In Memoriam by Alice Winn

Author:Alice Winn [Winn, Alice]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2023-03-07T00:00:00+00:00

* * *

—

Hayes sat at the table, censoring letters, and Ellwood lay on his bunk. Gosset was on patrol, under Lonsdale’s watchful eye.

Gaunt leant against the wooden beam, dressed in his Preshute tailcoat.

Ellwood closed his eyes, itchy with rage. After a few minutes, he couldn’t stand it. He sat up and glared at Gaunt, who only continued to watch him steadily, as if waiting for him to speak.

“Did you know that Gaunt and I were fucking?” said Ellwood. Each word seemed to burn his mouth. Gaunt turned away and was gone.

Hayes glanced at the stairs, then put down his pen.

“Don’t talk about him like that,” he said.

“Spoiling your happy memories of him, am I? It’s true. We fucked in billets—” continued Ellwood, sick with anger, but Hayes interrupted him.

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear.”

Ellwood tilted his head back to look at the ceiling.

“What did you expect, Ellwood? Did you want me to have you court-martialled?”

“No,” said Ellwood, quietly.

“Well?”

“Oh, forget I said anything.”

Hayes raised his eyebrows.

“What?” asked Ellwood belligerently.

“It was just a rather extraordinary outburst.”

Ellwood got up and poured himself a glass of whisky. It was no use trying to sleep.

“Do you know that everyone I’ve ever told has been kind about it? Gaunt used to say I was charmed.”

“I imagine you’re usually less crass than you were just now.”

“Why don’t you like me, Hayes? Everybody likes me.”

“Go to bed, Ellwood.”

“ ‘Ellwood.’ How come you never call me by my first name? You called Gaunt and Maitland by theirs.”

Hayes looked surprised. “Henry read me that bit in your letter—where you said it was untoward. ‘Like a child or an American,’ I think you said.”

“I don’t remember. I was probably trying to be witty.”

“Were you? I don’t think you would have liked me calling you Sidney when we first met.”

“It’s intimate.” Ellwood rubbed his nose. “Gaunt never called me that. I don’t think he felt close enough to me. Anyhow, I shouldn’t mind it, if you did.”

They looked at each other for a moment.

“I’d better go inspect the rifles,” said Hayes.

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